We all feel it; the glass cage that encases us. The fear of missing out as we look through glass, at others living in Crystal. the existential crisis as stones thrown, threaten the integrity of our glass houses; colours fading, like the changing colours of leaves outside our windows. I realised recently I’m struggling with my mental health... My future seemingly painted in grey clouds, when I used to see a rainbow of hope and plans. It was the realisation that my happiness and safety is merely a glass bubble-so easy to shatter - My diseases came back with a crash and it became apparent I needed another surgery to potentially save and cure me - A surgery (my 5th for this) that I will have in a few weeks, that may not cure or save me. My colours started to fade and the more uncertain I felt, the more the cracks in the protective glass deafened my logical responses and threatened to Smash. My dwindling mental health, where I suddenly saw the world in a new light- grey, colourless , hopeless-was the birth of the realisation that my journey to survive and thrive wasn’t over yet.
At some point I have to make a choice to try and recover and try to be happier in the now, despite the cracked glass cage that traps me. What if… I unlock my mindset, and untrap myself, into a growth mindset? In the face of all these overwhelming questions, I truly surprised myself and I have my disability and diseases to thank for it – even my mental health issues, my CPTSD and anxiety - I chose my life today, as uncertain as it was, over taking actions based in fear. I’m not hiding from my trauma, my emotions or my hardships anymore-I’m growing. For me, building a life by the ocean, choosing to swim twice weekly despite my disability, has made me so much happier and more capable. Walking and rolling under trees has made me joyously appreciative. Writing, creating mindful art for my book and following my passion in advocacy has enabled me to exist outside of myself, in a realm where I can help other people, too.and trying to help others beautiful, way to exist. It’s the best. I’m learning to fix the cracks holistically – and generally I am incredibly happy, and content in the mundane everyday, and I am thriving, even if the glass cage is greyscale from time to time. It’s all about the hope, of seeing a jigsaw of coloured mosaic slowly fill up, its about learning how to appreciate and enjoy the journey of colouring each individual mosaic of glass, into the person you want to become. Hope, is that love exists, in a world of pain. What if, despite the cracks, the hardships and desperate woes, I can TRY to paint the colours, myself, and fix the cracks with silver linings and hardship acceptance? What if… I can learn to be grateful and happy, regardless?. In a world of chaos-we must remember there is hope: no matter what we’ve lost, we haven’t lost our humanity. Maybe our glass cages can turn to multicoloured conservatories that shower us in dancing shades of the universe, not because of how the world treats us, but how we treat the world?
What if we have more control over that, than we first realised? Maybe at the root- to colour in the glass mosaics, is to practise self love and acceptance- ever embracing your faults and efforts-in the realisation that really, you don’t need to change yourself to suit society at all. I focus on this, to glue the broken pieces of my life, back together. I hope it helps you, as it has done for me- we all deserve a life of colours.
What I do to be mindful: Recovery IS learning to accept & live with your Mental Health issues, your disability or illnesses!
🌟acceptance is the key to self empowerment-forcing it, masking & not accepting limitations by pretending you can do more than you safely can, only further harms you mentally & physically!🌟
Acceptance of disability & illness is how you truly help -Acceptance of illness or disability do not equal:
💫negativity/not being mindful
💫not trying to be ‘better’
💫laziness/entitlement
We must accept that we cannot force ourselves to get better, & that it’s not within our control to cure an illness?!
We need people to stop implying that we could only get better if we tried. It does not mean we are not also motivated to improve and it doesn’t mean we are not trying everything within our power to better-we just simply can’t magic ourselves better through good intentions alone-it’s not a mental /mind over matter, issue.
If we cant change people we must change the world for us and our people. so Find your people, if they want to change you, they are not likely your people.
Speak of your hardships & fears to curious, genuine & caring ears. Be kind. Be accepting of hardship. Be mindful. Accept help, & give it, if it’s safe to.
if you cant find your people, find yourself. One is you from your past and one is you in the future. which you, will you be today? For your future you, you need to focus on Good intentions in their most basic: For me, my basic intentions helps me build the future me I wish to become - someone who is accepting of mental health issues and still able to thrive. for example, I intend to wake up on my first alarm, I intend to wash, I intend to eat breakfast, I intend to read my book. I intend to react with kindness and compassion. I intend to listen. I intend to do something to make life easier for my loved one today. When we struggle with labels and being open, our defence wounds open up and it becomes easier to fixate on the idea of giving up.
This open dialogue of good intentions and inner roots, sings for an imbalance of power to be evened out and shifted —a shift where both parties, can express their head and the heart by trying to be mindful.
I’m a great believer in recovery timeout, as Its important to take a breath and try to helicopter approach the situation from a nonjudgmental perspective, which helps you become far more aware and evolved within the present moment without the emotional attachments that could overwhelm. If we treat ourselves to a reward for achieving our good intentions, we must be mindful, and celebrate our successes as well as validating our efforts- we have to get ourselves in the mind frame to enjoy and benefit from it too. If we are indulging in a pumpkin spice coffee but while we drink the coffee we are thinking of eating the cake, we fail to savour the gentle spice of the coffee. If we only focus on finishing the chores, we don’t live in those moments that could otherwise teach us . If we feel the boredom and the pain of existence and sadness of watching the autumnal leaves fall from the tree through the kitchen window as we wash dishes, we will fight with our minds to distract ourselves, believing that feeling negative is bad and should be avoided, when really our negative emotions could help us exist in the moment and grow too. We need to practise the art of truly existing in the moment and truly being alive and not just surviving. We are not alive during the time we are washing the dishes or drinking coffee if we are focused on the next task or reward. . I believe that if we are in this mind set of ‘next next next’ we are never able to understand the magic of life and it’s emotional journey, while standing at the sink or drinking our pumpkin spices lattes.
In all this want for the future, for what’s next, never celebrating our efforts or actualising the true beauty of pumpkin spice and mindfulness of our efforts, we are plummeted and dumped away into the future, where our current self is merely a sh3ll, existing to survive and not thrive—isn’t it better to thrive? At the midst of mindful pumpkin spice, and not the expectation of ‘next next next?’
It’s good to be aware that how we feel right in this moment can impact our restorative safe space however if it harms us we dont have to focus on it. its a good idea to pick a time and place that is healthy for you to choose to recognise those emotions. somewhere you can restore balance and peace. feel the emotions in a safe place, but dont ever ignore them, learn from them. While we may tumble and scream and shout into a pillow or practise mindful activity that works for us, our nonjudgmental awareness grows within us. So does our compassion and ability to ground in the present moment without overwhelm.
rewarding and validating our efforts and good intentions helps us grow the person we wish to be. in finding yourself you must also allow yourself to be you, in all your faults all your failures and mistakes and all your shame - and then you validate yourself and remove the shame. the future you has no room for shame or self blame - only growth. everytime you talk negatively about yourself, without constructive criticism, you take away from the growth f the person you want to build in the future. the work starts now. so step into the better you, today - build your own stained glass windows, paint the world with colour, start today, and reap the rewards in the future. Peace x